Depression

These days I feel depression. It happens here and there. Suddenly my mood drops. From one day to the next. Being fine one day I wake up the following morning and feel depressed. It’s weird. Because my situation hasn’t really changed. I still get up to write. I get up to take care of my cat. I get up to do some laundry. I get up to do some light cleaning. I get up to do grocery shopping. But my mood is different.

I have lost purpose. I look for meaning. Have too many days been too similar? I do not care for routine. In fact, I get bored very easily. The weather has been the same for weeks: hot, dry and extremely predictable. Sounds nice. Yes, I know. California sunshine. But too hot to be outside in the afternoon. It’s like an oven. And frankly, it’s too much of a good thing.

I like variety. I thrive with difference. The best part of attending UC Berkeley was to walk around campus, listening to the many different languages and looking at the many different faces. Loved it. I crave variety. The absolute opposite of routine. One of the reasons I have a hard time with a 9-5 job. I don’t want to know what will happen every day. I invite surprise and wonder.

To lift myself out of my depression I listen to Blues! Love it. And isn’t that funny? That my bluesy mood needs blues? Well, it works.

5 Comments »

  1. Indeed, the blues have been dragging folks back from the brink for decades. And I know what you mean about the unrelenting sunshine and oppressively hot weather: it has the same effect on me. Time for a vacation in the Olympic rainforest, maybe.

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